"The new me is someone who is seeking the father heart of God. I started going to a church and found that I Love it with all my heart because of the spiritual food I get from there, as well as the spirit being in charge there. Every single person is REAL, they know that there is grace and they know they have all messed up but Jesus loves them."

My Name is Rauri Keogh.

I am a recovering addict who knows that my struggle was no coincidence.

What was the insanity of my life before recovery?

Before recovery I sought to fill a void in my heart. So I started looking for the thing that could fill this gaping hole in all the artificial areas that were placed in my path. Artificial friends, nope wasn’t that, then artificial happiness in a bottle, still not what I was looking for and then artificial euphoria, now I must admit, for a while there I thought I had found it, but it still wasn’t what was going to make me whole. Finally I found it!!!

Here is my journey to grace and finding the face of the REAL, LIVING, antidote to my problem - JESUS.

Now we all have that one person we look up to as a child, after my parents separation at the age of about 13 I only had my sisters. The one was working hard, whether it was for school or after school while trying to get her LLB, always studying and doing assignments... really asserting herself. Now I am not saying for a minute that the other wasn’t working hard, she was studying to become a hairdresser, but let’s just say she was more of a socializer. She drank and went out, not often but she did. Now because of the picture the world paints, this was COOL - I needed to be just like her.

Now following her was one thing, but I needed to step it up a level, by the age of 14 I was out every weekend drinking, and smoking a joint on the rare occasion. As the year progressed so did the drinking and smoking, all my “friends” were doing it why shouldn’t I?? At the age of about 16 drinking was not the “high” I was looking for, and to be quite honest Dagga wasn’t either, I still smoked dagga regularly but I was on to bigger things, not better, but bigger. My lack of knowledge sparked a dangerous curiosity, I started using anything I could get my hands on, almost as if I was searching for the drug that was the best so that I could abuse it. I tried everything from shrooms to LSD to Thai white. But one day I found the “one” I was looking for, a guy I went to college with offered me CAT, I used it once and knew that it was the drug I was going to use from now on.

My using progressed to a point where I was using over R1400.00 a day to support my habit, now this was money I did not have, at first I had made friends with one of the dealers runners, he “knew that I would pay him back” so he gave me as much as I needed but on credit. I would sell my own stuff, or my mother and fathers stuff to pay him back, purely to keep the relationship, or more-so the understanding alive that he can trust me. This was the worst decision I had ever made, this got me accustomed and hooked on using 6-7 R200.00 bags a day. It got so bad that the first time I was fired from my job (working for my father). I had nowhere to stay as I was staying with him at that time, I would go and spend days and days at a time at my dealers house. The deal was I could use for free as long as I went and picked up stock in Pretoria. What is crazy is that I never thought out the consequences of getting caught with close to a million Rand worth of CAT in my car. I did not get caught doing this, and it was short lived as I only went twice to do this. My easily funded addiction stopped one day when I walked into my dealers house, and there lying on the floor was the runner, shot dead, with his mouth cut open at his cheeks and drug packets shoved in his mouth. I was so paranoid. I didn’t phone the police, because I was scared they would think it was me. I phoned the main dealer instead.

After this I had to pay for all I was using before I could get it, my life became the worst it had ever been from here. Me and the friend that introduced me to drugs started small crimes, like conning people into thinking we owned a business dealing in scrap metal and taking the scrap metal from them saying we will pay money into their account as soon as the “metal was weighed”. Then we started stealing gas bottles from other people’s houses, then we started gaining entry into people’s houses and stealing anything of worth, mainly jewellery as it was small and easy to get away with.

My turning point started in 2011 in November/December. It started when me and some friends were scamming Nigerians in Kempton, we would put paper in a rolled up R10 note and give it to the Nigerian and as he gave us the drugs we would drive off, until one Nigerian we tried to scam caught us out too soon and as we drove away he started to shoot at us, I was sitting in the back seat and a bullet went through the boot of the car and came straight through the middle seat, right next to me. Now that I think back I know that it was all God, He is the reason I am still alive today and - for the most part- he kept my looks intact as well.

This scared me to the point where I was in depression, I was planning to move to Ireland at the end of that year, but the money my father had given me to pay for my passport I had spent on drugs, my father found out that I had not gone to pay for my passport, and he questioned me about it, for the first time In a long time I was honest, I said to him that I have a problem with drugs. He kept me locked in my house for about two weeks before he found Mighty Wings, but even though I was locked in my house I found a way to get drugs to me. On 11December 2011 I went to Mighty Wings and tested positive for almost everything. The truth came out.

I attended Mighty Wings for almost 5 months, but I was only clean for about 90 days of that, I started using with someone on the program and eventually got caught, I went to Enochs Walk for 5 months thereafter and met another guy who used to be on the program, the day we got out, which we strategically planned to be the same day, we used again. After about 2 months I met up with my old friend from college and started using Chrystal meth, the crime and lies and using just escalated from there, for the next year of my life I was in and out of Mighty Wings and relapsed 4 or 5 times more, this time not facing my consequences. Until the day that changed my life, I was now earning a salary and working for my father again, I was still doing crime at night because I loved the rush. And then one night I sat in my car outside of my best friend Shaun’s house after he had told me that he wanted nothing to do with me until I stopped using drugs. I did something I hadn’t ever done sincerely before, I prayed and said “God if you are real dude, help me out here” I’ll never forget that prayer. A few hours later I got a call from my dad, I had to go and see him. He had found a straw on the floor at my desk and was firing me again. That night I cried my eyes out, like a little girl, I felt like there was no point. The next morning I got my mother to drive me to Enochs walk again, I was there for almost a month. I had been making friends with a youth pastor there named Allistair, I still wasn’t a believer but we chatted about our different beliefs and he never pushed the bible down my throat.

One day Allistair was baptising people in the river, I was just watching, the next thing I knew I was walking in, fully clothed my jeans and shoes on, all of my goods in my pocket. He knew what was happening I think, he said do you receive Jesus as your lord and Savior I do. He baptized me and after a week God made his plans clear to me.

I Left Enochs Walk prematurely and went straight back to Mighty Wings, but for good this time.

I started the program and in the day I was doing volunteer work for Mighty Wings, I worked about 3000 volunteer hours for them and at the same time was doing my recovery, this time I was serious.

believe my recovery never worked before because I never had a true relationship with Christ, He was that void I was trying to fill and boy did he fill it, my cup overflows to this day.

As I was working the program I met Christ I found a church, I changed my life style. I started working at Mighty Wings and seeing the people who came in change in front of my eyes, that was daily inspiration for my journey on recovery, the program and the people helped me and it felt like the lessons we did were perfect because often I would be struggling with the problem that the lesson was on that very day. The key people who helped me in my recovery were Nico Nel, the hard hand that I listened to and respected, Uncle Valdi who was the wise man who was calm and told me truth no matter how hard it was to hear and Ps. Kenneth, my mentor, I am currently almost 2 years clean and out of the Mighty Wings program and I still go to him for advice in certain areas.

My favourite lesson was the 100 day epowered recovery program, if memory serves me correctly it was lesson 9 that dealt with finances, this was an immediate reality check as one of the excersizes is to calculate on average the amount of money you spent on your addiction, + - 8 years in addiction, R1400.00 a day, you do the math.

The new me is someone who is seeking the father heart of God. I started going to a church and found that I Love it with all my heart because of the spiritual food I get from there, as well as the spirit being in charge there. Every single person is REAL, they know that there is grace and they know they have all messed up but Jesus loves them. I met my soon to be wife in the church and took up a Godly relationship with her, she is amazing, a true blessing and support, she is beautiful and is after Jesus. She knows that He is her first love and I could never free her from bondage like He did, and that is important, Our first love is Christ, and as we seek Christ we will find each other more, because we are hidden in Him. I am also the youth leader and a life group leader within my church, I have my own business, as well as doing work for Mighty Wings on the side. I have restored my relationships with my Mother, who was a massive role in my recovery as she supported me in Mighty wings, With my father as well, who never gave up, and my sister and nephews and nieces.

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus.

My advice for a new beginner is. Don’t give up, Find God find yourself.

Stick to your recovery at all times the thing you put before your recovery will be the first thing you lose in a relapse.

Remember Christ in you the hope of glory, and though 1000 may fall at your side and 10 000 may fall at your right you will not be harmed. Stay firm in Christ and stick to your recovery plan, leave the old friends and old life behind you and look to Jesus who is in front of you.